Chapter 2
May arrived faster than I’d thought possible, and even though months had flown by since my Granny C. died, I still felt as if it happened yesterday. I sat on the front porch sipping my coffee as I waited on Jasper to start our day. He still barely said a word to me, and even though I was able to pry a little more out of him each day, I couldn’t help but feel like I hadn’t really met the true Jasper.
The sun rose a deep shade of orange in the horizon, and I watched as he left the barn, looking as though he’d hardly slept at all that night, and it had me worried.
“Are you okay?” I asked, handing him a cup of coffee.
“I will be. It was a sleepless night.”
I nodded my head. I really tried to not pry, but my curiosity got the best of me.
“What was it like Jasper?”
“I don’t think I understand what you mean, ma’am.”
“Being away from home, overseas. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”
He dropped his eyes, the way he always did when he didn’t want to talk about something.
“I … never really talk about this.”
I sighed. “Do you think it would help if you did?”
He shook his head no. “I don’t think I could handle talking about any of it to be honest, ma’am.”
“Well, keep in mind I’m always here if you need to talk.”
He nodded and looked up at me. His eyes met mine, and I could see the sadness, regret and frustration in them. It was like he was holding everything back yet couldn’t say anything or do anything to make it go away. I felt helpless.
“Well, um,” I said, clearing my throat and fighting back tears of my own, “we have a lot to do today. We have to go into town. I need some more supplies. Care to join me?”
He nodded, without saying a word. I walked into the house, grabbing the keys to the Chevy, and we headed into town. Jasper stared out the window, and as much as I wanted to talk to him, I just couldn’t. I felt like I’d already done enough damage for one day.
We were headed to Stanley’s Feed and Seed. Jessica Stanley went to school with me, and her parents ran this small seed store than had been in their family for almost a hundred years. They really didn’t need it since Jessica’s dad was a surgeon, but they kept it open. Their hours of operation were limited so you’d better get there early or be ready to wait forever for your supplies.
We arrived at seven on the dot, and there was already a lengthy line forming. As I stepped out of the truck, many of the people in line waved, saying hello, and I talked to a couple of them as we walked to the end of the line. Jasper kept his hands in his pockets, and his eyes on the ground.
An hour went by as Jasper stood in silence. I tried to make small talk with him, but it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere so I gave up. I sighed and leaned up against the wall.
“Bella, hey how are you?” I heard a voice say beside me. I glanced sideways, and standing there was Jacob Black. His grandfather and mine were best friends when we were growing up.
“Hey Jacob,” I said, hugging him. “How are you?”
“Doing great. Dad sent me down here to get some tomato seedlings for him. I don’t know why he even bothers with a garden each year, but oh well.” Jacob’s dad was disabled and couldn’t do too much in his garden. Poor Jacob always ended up with the brunt of the work, but he didn’t really seem to mind.
“I’m getting all my seeds for the rest of the garden. You should see our pepper seedlings, you’d be proud.” Just as I spoke, our, Jacob glanced at Jasper.
“Is this, your husband?” he asked, pointing at Jasper.
“No, no. He works on the farm with me. After Granny C. and Papa James died, I couldn’t do it all by myself. So I hired Jasper. He’s been great.”
Jacob went to do a friendly punch on Jasper’s arm, and I don’t remember much except Jasper grabbing Jacob’s hand and punching him square in the nose. I screamed at Jasper.
“Jasper, what did you do that for?”
He looked at me, frightened. “I’m, oh God, I’m so sorry,” Jasper said, flustered. I helped Jacob up off his feet and had to hold him back from Jasper.
“Man, what the hell is your problem?” he said, holding his nose. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.
“He’s, just, dealing with some things,” I said. Jasper looked at me pleading. The rest of the line stared in disbelief over what just happened.
“Well that doesn’t give him the right to sucker punch me. You’d better be glad you’re with Bella or else I’d probably knock you on your ass.”
Tears brimmed over in Jasper’s eyes, and he ran to the truck, slamming the door shut and resting his head in his hands to cry.
“Bella, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea you having someone with a temper working on the farm. There could be some serious issues that could arise.”
I sighed. If anyone would understand, it would be Jacob.
“He’s been through a lot, Jacob. More than I could ever comprehend. He just got back from Afghanistan about a year ago, and it’s been hard on him.”
Jacob nodded. “I understand. You know, if you’d like, I could come over and help him on the farm whenever you need it. I know it’s about to get really busy. Plus, I could maybe talk to him.”
Jacob understood more than any of us what wars could do to your life. His dad was a Vietnam Vet, and it was an everyday struggle. His dad’s health issues were related to a lot of what happened when he was in the war, and he did everything in his power to help his dad through it all.
“I would appreciate that. I like Jasper. He’s kind and has a heart of gold. I can see that he just wants to help, but I’m scared that he’s holding in a lot that could ruin him.”
Jacob nodded. “I’ll be over next week. You can ease me into the farm, that way he won’t feel like he can’t handle his job. We’ll help him out Bella.”
Jacob kissed the top of my head and hugged me.
After I gathered all the seeds and seedlings I needed, I sat in the truck and glanced over at Jasper. He wouldn’t even look at me.
“Jacob’s nose is okay. He’s not even mad at you.”
“But you are,” he said, eyes closed.
“I’m not mad at you, Jasper. Honest. I’m more concerned than anything. I know you’ve been through a lot. Some of it I can’t even fathom and don’t know if I would want to. But I made a promise to you that I wouldn’t give up on you. I know you’re a great person, and I’m willing to do what I can to bring that person out in you, if you’ll let me.”
He finally looked at me and said, “You know Esme and Carlisle had suggested that I find help, you know, for my outbursts and nightmares. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel… weak.”
His eyes welled up in tears, and for the first time in months, Jasper finally opened up a little to me. I reached over, held him in my arms and just let him cry. It felt natural, normal for him to cry in my arms. After he was done sobbing, I handed him a napkin, and he dried his tears.
“I guess I should apologize to Jacob huh?” he said.
“Well you can do that next week. We’re going to need some more help on the farm, and he’ll be a very valuable asset to the both of us.”
“I really am sorry, Bella.”
“I know. We’ll get through this.”
I hated to sneak around and ask questions, but it was the only way I could fully grasp what I was dealing with when it came to Jasper.
I called Alice one afternoon while Jasper was out on the tractor.
“Hey Bella, ready to take me up on that dinner offer?” she asked once we got our hellos out of the way.
“Actually, I’m calling you about Jasper. I was wondering if you knew anything about his situation.”
“I guess Esme failed to fill you in on the details,” she said.
“Actually, when I asked about him in the beginning, she was hesitant on even giving him my card. She paused and finally accepted it. I guess that should have been a huge indicator that something was up, but I didn’t think too much about it.”
“Jasper had a lot going for him,” Alice said. “He has a twin sister, Rosalie, who he barely speaks to anymore, and it’s hard on the family.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“When Jasper came off his first tour in Iraq, he headed home and found Rosalie and her husband, then boyfriend Emmett, in a compromising position. Jasper has always been very protective of his sister. He blew up and tried to fight Emmett. He didn’t think about the fact that Emmett had almost a hundred pounds on him and lost the fight. He also lost his closeness to his sister. They were going to discharge him from the Army, but instead, he begged for another tour. They couldn’t refuse that.”
“Why did he volunteer?” I asked.
“He felt bad about what he’d done to his sister. Then after the third tour, they sent him to Afghanistan. When he finally came home, he was different. He lost a lot of himself over there, and it’s been hard on everyone, especially Esme. She tried to bring him into her house and take care of him, but he couldn’t adjust well to her environment. When he found out that Esme and Carlisle were getting married, everything went back to crap again. He tried to fight Carlisle and was almost arrested this time. They’ve suggested therapy, but he refused. He won’t talk to anyone.”
“I’m trying to figure out a way to help him, Alice. I know there’s a good guy still underneath all that pain and frustration. I just don’t know how to go about it.”
“Well, I’ll tell you one thing, whatever you are doing is working. He calls Esme each night and tells her that he loves her and that he misses his mother.”
“Esme tell you that?” I asked.
“Yes, she wanted to stop by the farm but didn’t know how to go about asking you for it. Why don’t you ask her to lunch or something soon? Let her see how good of a job Jasper really is doing. I think it would help.”
I sighed. “I’ll do that. Until then, I’ll figure something out to help him. I really hate to see him like this.”
Not much was said over the next couple of days between Jasper and I. I tried to push the Jacob incident under the rug for a while until I could figure out a way to handle the situation. By the time the Monday that Jacob was to arrive came around, Jasper had begun acting better. His demeanor was a little different, and you could tell he was relaxing more and more.
As soon as the rooster crowed, Jacob was knocking on my back door to come in.
“You know, I’m used to getting up this early but there is just something about waking up this morning that made me want to stay in bed,” Jacob said as he yawned.
“Want some coffee?”I asked as I pulled the empty pot from the coffee maker.
“Make it thick, black and heavy. I feel like I’ll need it today.”
“Stay up all night partying or something?” I teased as I sipped from my cup of coffee, Jacob must have poured half the jar of sugar into his cup of coffee.
“No, not exactly. Dad had a tough night last night.”
“Oh,” I said, averting my eyes from Jacob.
“You know, Bella, sometimes I think it’s unfair that I have to help him as much as I do. I can’t call Rebecca and ask her to help. She has a family of her own.” Rebecca is Jacob’s older sister. She married young and left Jacob to care for their father.
“You should still call her though and ask for some sort of help. How many jobs are you holding down now?”
He held his fingers up to count. I got the drift. Jacob had worked so hard for so many years just to keep him and his dad afloat.
“Are you sure you want to help out on the farm? I mean you do have so much going on right now.”
Jacob nodded. “There’s just something about working on a farm. It gives me a chance to get away for a while. Besides, dad is okay being home alone right now. If he needs anything, he can call.”
Just as he spoke those last words, Jasper dragged into the door. Barely saying two words to Jacob or me, only waving hello, he poured himself a cup of coffee and sipped it in silence.
“I have a ton for the two of you to do today. We have got to get rows ready for the new seedlings coming in next week. If we don’t we’ll miss the planting season.”
Jasper nodded, and Jacob stood up, pouring the rest of his coffee down his throat.
“Well no good time like the present. Are you ready Jasper?” he asked.
“Sure,” he said, pouring the last drop of his coffee down the drain.
Jacob and Jasper walked towards the barn that housed my grandfather’s old John Deere tractor. They worked diligently to change the plowing parts on it. I heard the roaring of the engine and looked up from pulling weeds in my flower garden. Jasper was driving while Jacob pulled other gardening tools from the barn.
They worked for hours on plowing rows for the spring crops. By lunch time, the two of them were talking and laughing like old friends who had reconnected for the first time in years. I cleaned up and made sandwiches for lunch as the two of them sat on the porch sipping iced tea.
“You know, when I was younger I would beg Bella’s grandfather to ride one of the cows. He said to me ‘Boy, if you can get the cow to let you get on her, I’ll let you.’”
“I walked up to the fence as slowly as I could, lifting myself up onto the fence. He had an old cow named Bessie that didn’t like being touched, even to be milked. I didn’t find this out till afterwards, but as I hoisted myself on the cow, she took off. I fell off right into the biggest pile of cow shit ever.”
I stood on the porch, trying to contain my laughter.
“It’s a wonder you didn’t break your neck or something else,” I said as I placed the tray of sandwiches and fresh fruit on the table.
Jasper looked up at me and smiled. “Sounds to me like y’all had a great childhood.”
“Despite the losses and the misery that followed sometimes, it wasn’t half bad,” I said, looking at Jacob. Jacob nodded.
“How was your childhood?” Jacob asked Jasper as he sipped from his tea.
“It was okay. My mom and dad divorced when I was young. I really don’t remember much about my father. I know I look a lot like him from pictures that my mom showed me. He as a Major in the U.S. Army, so I guess in a way, I followed in his footsteps.”
“How did your mom handle that?” I asked.
“She wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of me going into the Army. She was sure I was making a bad decision. I had to reassure her so many times that I was doing the best for me and for her.”
An awkward silence fell between us as the guys ate in silence. When they were done, I cleared the outside table and headed inside to finish up the dishes. I watched from the window as the guys finished up their daily chores. I began work on the inside of the house. I had so many dust webs to clean from the rafters and the overhead lights were full of dust.
I didn’t even notice how fast time flew by, and before I realized it, the sun was setting. I heard the tractor turn off inside the barn and walked to thank the guys for a job well done.
“Well guys, looks like today was a success. Jasper and I will head into town this Friday to pick up some seeds and seedlings. Thanks again. I think I may actually be able to handle this farming thing with you guys helping me.”
I reached over and gave Jacob a huge hub, and as I reached for Jasper, he shied away, but let me half-hug him.
“Well I’d better get home to my dad. I’m sure he’s going to need some things done for him today.”
I watched as Jacob took off his work gloves and slide them in his back pocket as he walked towards his truck. I reached for some of the garden tools and placed each of them on their hooks. Jasper sat down on a haystack and sipped water from his canteen.
“Jacob really is a nice guy,” he said as I cleaned the barn up a little bit.
“He’s great people. My grandfather was always partial to him and his dad. Before his dad got to where he couldn’t walk anymore, he helped out on the farm a lot.”
“Did you and Jacob ever date or anything,” he asked, quirking a curious eyebrow at me.
“Um, no. That’s like dating your brother. Jacob and I could never work. We’re too much alike.”
“Oh,” he said. “Have you ever had a serious relationship?”
“Twice, once fell through because he couldn’t stay faithful, and the other left because he wasn’t happy. It’s okay though, I like the direction my life is heading in right now.” I smiled at Jasper, and he blushed. If I thought Jasper smiling was the cutest thing on this earth, him blushing took second place.
“Well, whoever those two jackasses were that let you go should be kicking themselves.”
I smiled at him. “You know one of them,” I said. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything from the look on his face.
“Who?” he asked, his fist tensing up.
“Edward Cullen,” I said. His eyes widened, and he sighed.
“You dated him?” he asked.
“Yes. I actually met him in Chicago. We realized that we knew each other from Forks, and well, it lasted until he decided to cheat on me.”
“What a jerk!” Jasper shouted. “If I ever see him again…”
I watched as Jasper’s face turned bright red, then he punched one of the beams that held the barn up. I was scared that he actually hit it hard enough to bust it. Instead he pulled back bloody knuckles.
“Oh my, I’m so sorry,” Jasper said as he fell to his knees, holding his knuckles.
“Let me get you some ice, come in the house with me.”
We walked in silence to the house, and as the back door slammed, he plopped down at the breakfast table.
“Bella, really, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Edward has a bad habit of pissing me off too.” I said, smiling.
“Why are you so good to me?” Jasper asked, looking up at me.
“Because you work hard, you do a great job around this farm, and you should be given a chance.”
I cleaned his hand with water, then peroxide. I wrapped his knuckles in gauze and tape. Carefully placing the ice pack on his hands, I reached for another piece of tape to hold it all in place.
“Jasper, I’m not trying to push the issue or anything, and I hope this doesn’t upset you, but have you thought about talking to someone about some of your anger problems?”
He nodded as a tear fell from his eyes. “I tried, honestly I did. When I got back I went to a counselor for a while. Esme doesn’t know, though. It was too hard, just really too hard.”
“Does working on the farm seem to help any?”
He nodded again. “It seems to help me forget some of the problems. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Please don’t think that I’m not appreciative.”
I smiled. “I know you are. I can see it every time you wake up. Jasper, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m always here. So is Jacob. He understands a lot too. Just don’t hold it in more than you have to. Sometimes it’s better to let it all out.”
He nodded again. “Thank you so much Bella. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to my apartment now and get some rest.”
“Aren’t you hungry?” I asked.
“Not really, but thank you.” He tipped his hat to me and turned to walk away. As he got to the door he said, “I’ll look forward to a great breakfast, though.”
I nodded back and waved.
I sat at my breakfast table and an overwhelming sense of sadness fell over me. I had always been sensitive to others feelings, but at that moment I felt so bad, not just for what Jasper was going through, but for myself too. I wanted things to be so easy, yet the easier they seemed to get, the harder they also seemed to go too.
I felt tears stream from my face as I placed my head into my arms. I sobbed silently as the sounds of crickets enveloped the room. The faint smell of mothballs went away as more and more tears filled my eyes.
I looked to the ceiling then to the wood paneling that surrounded my kitchen walls.
“How did you and granddaddy do this for so long?” I asked looking up to the ceiling again.
I actually sat there and waited for an answer and nothing ever came. I dried my tears up and walked towards the door way of the kitchen that led to the living room. I heard a faint knock at the back door.
Jasper’s head poked in as I tried to clear the tears out of my eyes.
Before he could ask his question, he walked in.
“Bella, are you okay?” he asked, standing in the doorway.
I shook my head, but my nod quickly became a shake. He walked over to me, slowly putting his arms around me to hug me.
I cried for what seemed like an eternity in his arms.
“Why are you so sad?” he asked.
“I miss them so much, all of them. My grandparents, my mother, father… it seems so unfair.”
“I know, but you have to remember that they are all looking down at you right now and smiling. I’m sure they would all be so proud of the way you are running this farm. You are a pro at it. You know what to buy, how to grow it, the kinds of materials needed. I’m sure this is exactly how your grandfather handled business.”
I stepped away for a moment and smiled. “Maybe so. I don’t know, but I don’t feel like a complete failure for the first time in a while.” Jasper reached for a tissue next to us. I softly blew my nose and sighed.
“I’m sorry, you came over for something?”
“I was wondering if tomorrow night I could grill steaks? It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to do something like that.”
I grinned. “That would be nice, thank you.”
“Cheer up kid,” he said. “You are doing a fantastic job,” Jasper said. He hugged me once more and walked out the back door. I felt so much better knowing that maybe I was actually doing something right for once in my life.
